Friday, February 18, 2011

Hollywood Week #2

Group week has come and gone, and I couldn't be happier to see it go. The mother of all contrived drama fests, group round usually tells me nothing of the future of a solo singer-- not to mention this year we had to endure an extra hour of "remember what we showed you ten minutes ago" footage. Seriously Idol, most of us loyal viewers can remember what happened 7 seasons ago with perfect clarity, so why do you assume we can't remember the stupid group drama you JUST showed us before the commercial break?

I simply cannot wait until we emerge from the overly-edited frustration-fest that is early Idol and get on to what we all really care about-- the live rounds, where no note is left behind. In the meantime, all I can bring myself to do is comment on those standouts (good and bad) from this year's regrettable groupon.

Surprise Standouts:
Four Forties: Lauren Turner's wailing ways may have been a little rough, but that kind of raw vocal muscle is the stuff of (my) Idol dreams. Run and tell your girlfriend, indeed. And Adrian Michael-- where have you been hiding, you absolute cutie. A clean-cut, likable, talented black male singer? Maybe Idol can finally get it right with these two...

The Minors (aka The Cast of Urban Glee): OK, that was kind of wrong, sorry. But these 15-16 year olds gave me some real-life New Directions vocals matched with our first truly deserved Idol-triumph moment (just substitute a confetti shower with a stage mom rush).

Hollie Cavanagh: Love you, girl. LOVE YOU. And, all irrational contestant attachments are a go.

Lara Johnston and Stevie Cain: I see flashes of a "Bette Davis Eyes"-like performances in their futures, yes I do.

Da'quela Payne and Matthew Nuss: equal parts diva, of the male and female variety. I wants more of them, Idol. I wants more.

Hit Em Up Style-- I went to Neiman Marcus on a shopping spree-a, and on the way I called Soleil and Mia. YES nonsensical rhymes. Love that song, so I will overlook the complete lack of individual vocal talent these "Hits" brought to the table.

So Disappointing Indeed
Poor Paris Tassin. She probably didn't have the vocal consistency to survive in the Idol jungle, but she was so damn likable (and well dressed). But stand strong, mama and move on (X-Factor, here she comes).

Emily Anne Reed: If you're going to cut a girl this unique, give us a single wonky note? Just one?

Devyn Rush: We feel your pain, girl. I blame the awful de-boyfriended couple girls for taking your spot (sometimes drama > vocal ability). Seriously, that blonde mess sounded HEINOUS.

Please Go Home
More Jersey Girls: I cannot remember any of their names, or more importantly, any of their voices. Next.

Four Plus One: Jordan Dorsey is almost as massively unlikable as he is forgettable. Sweet boots though, kid. Robbie Rosen, on the other hand, probably hoped the sheen from his leather vest would distract from the fact he forgot his words. Add a helping of bad end-harmony and jank audience reactions, and you get-- five Yes's? Seriously, when JLo's best critique is "you all had a chance to sing," shouldn't some No's be merited?

Rebel Star: Wrong show, ladies. I hear tryouts for Making The Band 19 are starting up-- maybe you can become marginalized by Diddy.

James Durbin: Please stop screaming and remove that bandana-tail from your behind.

Julie Zorrilla: How many poof-skirted dresses does it take to cover a stank personality and a mediocre voice? Three (and counting).

That's all I got for this (disappointing) group round. Let's hope solos have less recaps and more SINGING.


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